a word to ya'll northerners...

[xLibelle]

And here is a message to ALL northerners visiting the South...
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.

8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.

9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass!

(sounds like we like to kick ass a lot :-/)

 

[Ghost]

Well, when people tell us “northerners” what to do we just

 

[Tom]

haha...nice.

 

[MyHarley]

good one Wil, I"ll take southern any day.....

 

[xLibelle]

my favorites are 3, 9 and 12

 

[M_Six]

I grew up in Massachusetts and we always called any carbonated beverage "Coke." It's the southerners and midwest folks who call it "pop."

And if Lincoln had had enough sense to put Grant in charge in the first place, there would never have been another battle after the first Bull Run (or Manassas as you southerners call it.)

And before you refer to Chicago as a shithole, bring yo' sorry butt up 'ere and see it for yo'self. It's not a bad city as cities go. Then when you head back down there, stop by and visit Atlanta, after you've waited in traffic for four hours just to get close to it.

Hmmm, I don't recall that Sherman's ass got kicked when he rolled through there. Maybe he was a gentleman and didn't break any of your rules?



[target]


<Well SOMEONE has to stand up for the North.>

 

[mclarensmps]

None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently

ROFL!!! brilliant!

 

[skandalous]

I do love my home.

btw, Hello, everyone. Long time no see.

 

[aNoodle]

"we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton"

What right wing nonsense....the only one on that list that deserves scorn is Duke, the racist Republican. Much of this is not even southern at all...just inward looking made-up stuff. I hate when hicks and rednecks try to steal my southern heritage....and will "kick ass" to uphold the stupidity.

 

[aNoodle]

Oh...and funny to see Worldcom still listed as good ways of doing business...who wrote this?!?

 

[Bryan330i]

Funny stuff


Who has lakes "afar"? [joke]

Sorry xLibelle, I couldn’t resist. I like Tennessee!

 

[Bryan330i]

Oh...and funny to see Worldcom still listed as good ways of doing business...who wrote this?!?

I wasn’t going to write this but I spent some time in Tennessee and had planned on moving there until virtually the whole firm I would have worked for were indicted on a bunch of criminal charges. They were some scammers I guess but you sure would have thought they were saints. There is good and bad everywhere though.

 

[Section_8]

Hah, too funny.. Many of them sound too close to home for comfort.. [unsure]


I just hide my head when yankee/southerner posts start circling, but this one is pretty funny (and obviously so).

M_six, it only takes an hour to drive 'through' Atlanta proper, the rest of the mess you're dealing with is the Subarbs..

At least we don't have potholes that you could lose a car in. (or road work every 2 miles)

 

[FX3]

all this because theah is no ah(R) in ah alphabet...

Pot holls????

Its just missin pavement.
We have many seasons heah..
Wintah--Construction--Spring--construction--Summah--Construction--Fall--Construction...

And I've driven to Florida and 95 down theah is not that smooth.. Theah ah roads up heah that ah smothah
And we get arrested foh leavin dead cah's on the side of the road.

Cant we all just get allong...

 

[Section_8]

all this because theah is no ah(R) in ah alphabet...

Pot holls????

Its just missin pavement.
We have many seasons heah..
Wintah--Construction--Spring--construction--Summah--Construction--Fall--Construction...

And I've driven to Florida and 95 down theah is not that smooth.. Theah ah roads up heah that ah smothah
And we get arrested foh leavin dead cah's on the side of the road.

Cant we all just get allong...

Hmm, the speech that you are interpeting above is consistant with an idiot, and idiots breed everywhere unfortunately. Last time I heard someone talk like that, they were trying to sound like they had a major role in Gone with the Wind (and not surprisingly, thought they were being 'funny' sounding like a 'southerner'). They did sound funny though, just like an idiot.

idiot(noun) - imbecile, cretin, moron, changeling, half-wit, retard -- (a person of subnormal intelligence, accredited with poor speech)

I knew I shouldn't have replied to this thread...

 

[xLibelle]

Hmm, the speech that you are interpeting above is consistant with an idiot, and idiots breed everywhere unfortunately. Last time I heard someone talk like that, they were trying to sound like they had a major role in Gone with the Wind (and not surprisingly, thought they were being 'funny' sounding like a 'southerner'). They did sound funny though, just like an idiot.

idiot(noun) - imbecile, cretin, moron, changeling, half-wit, retard -- (a person of subnormal intelligence, accredited with poor speech)

I knew I shouldn't have replied to this thread...

thank you section 8, you just expressed one of the rules of the south:
9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.


atl traffic is only bad in afternoon rush hour. i can ride from Alpharetta to Stockbridge (full north to south) in 45 minutes (light traffic) doing 70 but of course autobahn speeds on 400. atl (not talking about rest of south) has the smoothest highway system in the us. section8, wasnt it the current mayor that had a "pothole team" where any pot hole can be called in and covered in 24 hours and paved in 48?

 

[Section_8]

thank you section 8, you just expressed one of the rules of the south:
9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.


atl traffic is only bad in afternoon rush hour. i can ride from Alpharetta to Stockbridge (full north to south) in 45 minutes (light traffic) doing 70 but of course autobahn speeds on 400. atl (not talking about rest of south) has the smoothest highway system in the us. section8, wasnt it the current mayor that had a "pothole team" where any pot hole can be called in and covered in 24 hours and paved in 48?

#9 is the best.

I rode the alpharetta autobahn today, and damn if it wasn't real autobahn speeds.. We've had rain all week, with traffic at a crawl during rush hour.. Today everyone found their right foot and used it.. I did 90 home the whole time, and got passed by 3 bmw's, 2 MB's, a P-car, and a guy in a minivan intent on bursting a valve keeping up with one of the BMW's..

Yep mayor Shirley has a 'pothole' crew, and they do indeed go out to locations and fill them. It's a # you call to report it, and they will show up soon after. GA has some of the best highways in the country btw, believe me I sure pay for it every year on my car taxes.. It's like a 13th car payment.. (I think that's why we have the most speeders in the country, the roads can handle it, when not clogged with traffic..)

 

[aNoodle]

LOL, Section 8. So true. I'm in Roswell all the time, take 400...for those of you who have never taken GA400 in Atlanta...it's a 55mph city freeway...and believe me when i say i'm not exagerating....if you're going under 70 mph you are a ROAD HAZARD!

I have yet to find a state that has better highways than Georgia. I think we can thank Carter and Pork Barrel Newt for much of that...also our rare freeze weather. The ad velorum (property tax on cars) keeps our gas taxes way low...we have amoung the lowest gas prices in the nation!

 

[Section_8]

If you're doing 70 on 400 you're getting passed quickly and getting ugly looks from cab drivers, old ladies, and birds out the window from the folks riding the Marta buses.

Seriously, the Marta train does 65 tops next to 400 as it runs North. No one goes slower than the train, and this is going uphill, after a complete stop at the toll booths.. It's like the toll booth is the launch pad for a dragstrip, guys with 10 ladders stacked on top of their van with 8 passengers will stand on it after dropping their 50 cents in..

Hey Noodle, have you been to one of the local BMW meets before? (Are you over on b.f.c. too?) Lots of folks come up for the meet from Athens. Stop by Athens BMW and talk to Geordie, he heads up the GA meets and mtn drives.

 

[MrElussive]

I heard Southerners conduct business slowly and that they're not used to the fast pace of NYC. And that they all stop working at like 4PM to go play golf. Any Southerners wanna give me a more accurate view on this?