Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word .. he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."
3 . My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right
now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that 3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old
couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd
ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard
words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word .. he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."
3 . My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right
now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that 3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old
couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd
ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard
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Hahaha...good laugh!
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