Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back
or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around
and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy
with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I
was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
I like playing with men's balls."
*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son
had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day
we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so
of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan! my, are
you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he
must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We
had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too!
*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and
cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get
clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot
that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line
to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced
"Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No
one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other
Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around
and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy
with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I
was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
I like playing with men's balls."
*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son
had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day
we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so
of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan! my, are
you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he
must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked
one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We
had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too!
*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and
cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get
clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot
that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line
to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced
"Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No
one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other
Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
